The Fluff Launch - The Teaser Trailer

Dear Mr L,
   A great big hello hug to you from all of us here at The Blank Page Marketing Department!  
   As you’ll probably remember, we contacted you last month about organising some sort of trailer for your upcoming book launch.  We sent you an email, a letter and a singing telegram.  So far, we can’t help but notice we’ve not heard back from you yet.  We were really looking forward to a sung reply.
   Now, we know you’re a bit uneasy when it comes the idea of using the blog to ‘peddle your wares’ as you put it.  You made that very clear during the rather tense team huddle we had when you first caught us stealing cookies from your office kitchen.  Still, we like to think we’re pretty savvy.  We like to think we can read the room.  Your eyes, lips and fists said ‘No’, but your posture whispered a possible ‘Maybe’.
   That’s why we’ve taken the liberty of putting together a quick script for a teaser trailer you could run on the blog to get people interested.
   Let us know what you think.  We feel we’ve really captured the essence of what you’re trying to put together for the 26th.  Also, can you please stop changing the locks on our office doors.  We have to keep smashing windows to get in and, as they say on GOT, winter's coming.
   Here, have another hug.
   We love you, Mr L!  See you soon. xoxo
Black Screen
(No, wait, scratch that.)

Pink Screen
(Yep, that’s way more on brand.)

DEEP, GRAVE, POWERFUL In a world where one man decided to write a book about another man being driven mad by an inescapable pink rabbit, that same man had an idea.  The first man that is, not the second man.  The second man was in the book, remember?  Anyway the first man, who was real, had an idea that could change the world.

Interior: Christopher Long’s office
It’s a small, cramped, dusty room.  An artist’s burrow.  Full of toys, comics and books.  Empty coffee cups litter every surface.
Christopher, a man no longer in his prime or wearing the size of jeans he claims fit him, is pacing back and forth whilst clutching a small, pink rabbit toy.

OBSESSED, FRUSTRATED Don’t you see?  We don’t have a choice.  We have to do this.  It’s our best chance.  It’s our only chance.  It's the only way.

Pink Rabbit
SMALL, CUTE, SOUNDING AS LEGALLY CLOSE AS WE CAN GET TO A CERTAIN CARTOON RABBIT But it’s too risky.  You’ll never pull it off.  You’re a madman, a madman!

WITH GRIM RESOLVE Mad or not, I have to try, damn it.  Someone has to try.  Think of the children.  Think of the mine they closed down.  Think of the way the English king keeps treating those Scottish lads who keep painting themselves blue.  Someone has to stand up for those people and say no more.  No more.  It's time you all just bought a book.

Exterior: Birmingham
The bustling city, seen from above.  Think EastEnders.  Only, you know, it’s Birmingham.  So a bit more rain and a lot less cockneys.  (Perhaps we could use a helicopter for this shot.  They can’t be that hard to fly, right?)

Rabbit (off screen)
What if they’re not ready for us?

Christopher (off screen)
We’ll just have to make sure they are ready.  For the ride of their lives!

Exterior: Birmingham Streets
It’s night.  The rain’s still falling.  Cars hiss through puddles.  People dash to their destinations.  A siren sounds close by.

Many have tried to successfully launch a book in Birmingham.  Very few had succeeded.  Well, not many with a book written primarily in a little village in Leicestershire.  At least no one we could find around here and we asked a lot of people in the shop when we went to get milk for the coffee machine.  Of course, they were mainly school kids.

Exterior: The Gunmakers Arms
A brooding shot of the pub at night.  The lights cascading out over the street.  Mist hanging in the air.  A man vapes.  No, wait, we don’t to exclude people here.  A child vapes.  Or maybe a dog.  Yeah, people really like dogs.  Look at that Show Dogs movie.  That is surprisingly popular.  If only this book had more dogs in it, Mr L.  Would that have killed you?

Rabbit (off screen)
Where'd you want to do this?

Christopher (off screen)
Don’t worry, little buddy.  I know just the place.

Interior: The Gunmakers Arms
A crowded night.   People are queuing.  People are laughing and sharing a drink.  A band is playing.  We drift through them, past the bar, towards the door to the courtyard and the brewery beyond.

Christopher (off screen)
If we hold it there, they will come.

Rabbit (off screen)
Doesn’t that only apply to undead sports personalities who sleep in fields?

Christopher (off screen)
It’s not like they have a monopoly on it.

Rabbit (off screen)
I just hope you know what you’re doing.

The door opens.  Pink light floods the screen.

Christopher (off screen)
Okay, how about 'Where we’re going we don’t need roads.'

Rabbit (off screen)
Then how’re people going to get there?

Christopher (off screen)
Fine.  Where we’re going we do need roads then.

Rabbit (off screen)
And parking.

Christopher (off screen)
There’s parking there!

Rabbit (off screen)
Is this place rabbit friendly?

Close up: Christopher Long’s face
He looks determined.  There’s a crumb in his beard.

FOCUSED, READY I guess that all depends on how friendly you’re feeling.

Close up: Rabbit’s face
He looks pink and determined.  There’s a crumb in his fur.
He smiles and begins to laugh.  It’s evil, maniacal laugh.  His eyes roll.  His fangs show.  Think Joker.  Only, you know, one of the better Jokers.  There are so many now.

We crash cut to shots of Christopher reading on a stage.  We see people laughing.  People crying.  People looking frightened.  We’ll put up some star ratings from reviews.  Empire give most things four stars, we’ll get something from them.

Co-starring, R.M Francis.  (We’ll show an image of each person here as we announce them.  A moody, black and white author’s type photo.  Or maybe a book cover.  Or both.  We can do that now.  One of us borrowed a Mac.)  David Shakes.  Nellie Cole.  Some merchandise.  And you…

A giant pink question pushes in, fills the screen.  The word FLUFF is carved into it.  Trust us, it'll look really cool.

Join us down the rabbit hole.  July 26th.  If you dare.