The Blank Page — Long Words

I first heard about Red Dwarf in the place where you learnt about most of what was destined to become your favourite flavour of escapism – the playground. I’m pretty sure I actually started watching it when series IV came out. That was definitely my first proper series. Laughing with my friends at the thought of Lister morphing into a ridiculous mini Robocop clone, long before any of us had ever seen the regular sized Robocop. Hattie Hayridge as Holly. Kryten’s first attempts at lying and insulting people and purposefully mis-naming fruit. The Cat revealing his ultimate crush was himself. The ironic injuries of the justice field. Ace Rimmer smoking kippers. And let’s not forget the dreaded space mumps.

Book review, Books, Comedy, ReviewChristopher Long16 February 2023Red Dwarf, Better Than life, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, Discworld, BBC, Doctor Who, RobocopComment

Love and Let Die by John Higgs

History is a funny old thing. It’s basically just the road we’ve already travelled along, but every step of that journey can still have a huge influence on where we’re going and, without ever turning around, we do seem to have a dangerous capacity for retracing some of our very worst detours. The past is always there, waiting over our shoulder, ready to be reflected in the rear view mirror. It should really come with a warning, ready for when you decide to take a peek. Maybe something about some objects appearing closer than they actually are. Workplaces, pubs, and homes are, after all, crammed to the rafters with people declaring ‘it can’t be that long since such and such happened’.

Book review, Books, ReviewChristopher Long11 February 2023The Beatles, James Bond, 007, Stranger Things, Punk, Disco, Berlin WallComment

Blog Sweet Blog Part 2.5 - Shelf Help

Dan Carpenter lifted the mug to his lips and took another sip of tea. He tried to ignore the blog’s branding on the mug. It was on everything he’d found in the kitchen. Blank Page mugs. Blank Page plates. Blank Page cereal. Blank Page teabags. The Blank Page sink un-blocker had been a surprise.

Please Note - This is the second and a half part of the ongoing social experiment Blog Sweet Blog. There have been two whole parts before this one, neither of which were ever aware they could’ve been split into fractions when they were being written.

Just think how every future part of Blog Sweet Blog will feel from now on. Who can say how many of them will ever arrive a whole? It’s not easy, being a blog.

You could say it’s a blog’s life.

(But we wouldn’t recommend it.)

Blog Sweet Blog, Short story, StoryChristopher Long23 January 2023Bookshelves, Unpacking, DVDs, Blu Rays, Christopher Nolan, A Fistful of Dollars, DisneyComment

Blog Sweet Blog Part 2 - A James To Kill For

‘It’s one of those nights. I can taste it at the back of my throat. One of those slick, dark, sharp nights. The day’s rain has left a gleam on every sidewalk that could put a new razorblade to shame. The shallow end puddles are reflecting the unsullied stars; tempting the broken and the lonely to come on down before the sun rises and drown themselves in the illusions waiting for them in the gutter.’

Please Note - This is the second part of the ongoing social experiment Blog Sweet Blog. Make sure you have read part one before reading this. Read it thoroughly, read it out loud to a pet, and do your best to note the subtext regarding British Imperialism and the birth of the roller skate.

There will be test later…

…when you least expect it.

Blog Sweet Blog, Flash fiction, Short storyChristopher Long16 January 2023Private detective, Detective story, WizardsComment

The Perfect Golden Circle by Benjamin Myers

I think it’s best we start with a confession – I’m pretty sure I’ve approached Benjamin Myers all wrong. I did not start at the beginning and, if you take the first book of his I read as I starting point, then I did not even read what I have read in right order.

My first experience of Benjamin Myers came through Twitter. Upon the release of The Gallows Pole, I kept seeing the cover for it everywhere and, yes, I did indeed judge that book. I judged it to look very interesting indeed. There was something captivating about the stark, retro design. There was also something 70s heavy metal infused about it, which was an impression doubtlessly inspired by the title. It felt like something I needed to read.

Book review, Books, ReviewChristopher Long11 January 2023Benjamin Myers, Perfect Golden Circle, Crop circles, Richmond, DetectoristsComment

Blog Sweet Blog Part 1 - One Small Step for Dan

Now is a time of crisis. In fact, as we move deeper into the 2020s, I think we can finally admit that now is a time of many crises. Many, many crises. It’s a tidal wave of crises. A crisis crisis. You can’t move around here for crises. They get under your feet. They get in your food. They get knotted in your hair.

If only we’d found some way to harness the speed with which they reproduce, then maybe we could’ve used them as a new power source. That would’ve sorted out the energy crisis. Or we could’ve rounded them on, kept them on farms, set them up as a new food group.

“What looks good, darling?”

“I hear the Cajun crisis sliders are to die for.”

Something Fresh by P.G. Wodehouse

There are certain things you don’t want to see when you’re considering writing a book review. A death threat from the author would be quite high up that list. As would a list of previous reviewers of their work who’ve all disappeared in ‘mysterious circumstances’. Another red flag is when the first page of that book holds a glowing quote from Stephen Fry.

‘What’s the point?’ you find yourself wondering, seeing his eloquent little summation laid out for all the world to see. ‘Fry got here first.’

Every Story has an Ending

In the early hours of the 4th of January 2022, my world stopped making sense. There had been a few uneasy moments a couple of days before. Dad’s neuralgia had gotten far worse. He couldn’t eat or speak without shocks leaping through him. He’d had to spend New Year’s Day in hospital, having blood tests and being told it was time to start taking newer, stronger painkillers. On the Sunday, however, he’d called and we’d talked. He’d been fine. He’d been better. Monday saw even more improvements, from what I’ve been told since.

Loss, HeroesChristopher Long18 January 2022Dad, LossComment